bitter veggies

As time passes, it gets easier to not be so sad about miscarrying. In fact, sometimes I feel downright ridiculous for ever being so upset about it. That being said...

I have told a few people and every single one has asked, "So if you hadn't taken a pregnancy test, you wouldn't have even known, right?".

Yes. And a big fat NO.

I felt pregnant. I was constipated, tingly in the chesty area, and emotional beyond all get-out.

I felt pregnant. I knew there was something inside of me. I connected to this little pea. My brain was chugging at Baby: Full steam ahead.

Somehow, when they ask me that, it makes me feel less credible. Like, I'm being a drama mama for experiencing any sadness about it or for even mentioning it.

At the same time, I don't want anyone hovering over me, watching me for signs of depression. Whether I am depressed or not.

These days, I don't think about it every second, but I still can't seem to pull my head out of the fridge. I am going to severely regret the poor decisions I am making right now. I've already gained over five pounds in less than a week.

I can hardly go on Facebook without sneering at several of the status updates. Everyone and their dog is pregnant right now and complaining about every little ache and pain and the waiting game.

Shut. Up.

At least you have something in there.

I know this is all very bitter and immature, but I can't seem to smother that twinge of anger completely.

And I am a complete hypocrite. Not so long ago, every single time I would complain about the new level of psychosis my children were driving me to on Facebook, this girl would leave comments such as: "At least you can get pregnant" or "I wouldn't know; I can't bear children".
It was ridiculous. *roll eyes and groan* Yes. We all know you're infertile. How sorry can we be?

Now...here I sit in my little dark, stormy mood and think similar things.

Karma? or a walk in another man's shoes??

The Bitter, better with butter, Pod