trouble back at the ranch

The 23rd is here.

I figured this would be the day I knew FOR CERTAIN whether I had a little bun in the oven because this is the day my period would have started...and guess what...It did!

I am rather confused.

I FEEL pregnant! I have taken POSITIVE pregnancy tests. One this morning in fact. And yes, they are VERY faint, but still...Shouldn't a positive result mean positively pregnant?

This is strange. Maybe this is normal to bleed a little bit, but...it's not normal for me. I have had three other babies sans early pregnancy bleeding. I've never experienced a miscarriage. I've read that in all reality 20-30% pregnancies end in miscarriage before the mother even knew she was pregnant.

If this is what has happened...It is what it is. I don't think I would even tell anyone I had "miscarried". I think it would hardly be worth the sympathy that people would probably feel obligated to express.

I don't mean to sound cold-hearted...I just know it is nature's way of letting the strongest survive. If something had been wrong with the fetus...it would be better for it to end so early.

I don't write this without some sadness. Although I have only felt pregnant for about a week, I have thought much about this little person growing inside me over that week. Is it a boy? or a girl? Will it be blond or brunette? Shy or extroverted? A mama's boy/girl or a daddy's boy/girl?

Of course my brain was whirling like crazy with the math. I will be due this day. And I will be THIS pregnant at Christmas. My children will be this far apart. I will wait until I am this far along to tell anyone.

My head was full of all sorts of plans. Plans to tell my husband the good news in a creative, original way. Plans to tell our families. Plans to tell friends. Plans to pull out old baby clothes. Plans to start stocking up on diapers. Plans to get some projects done before that blasted morning sickness set in.

I guess even now I am getting ahead of myself. Too much of a thinker, this girl! I need to just calm down and... wait. Ewww! I HATE waiting! I suppose all will reveal itself in due time.

Impatiently, The Pod?